


Military Brats~ Kagehina

by Nickoliz_B1



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cute Hinata Natsu, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Military Families, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, POV Hinata Shouyou, Suicidal Hinata Shouyou, Suicidal Kageyama Tobio, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25648543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nickoliz_B1/pseuds/Nickoliz_B1
Summary: Military brats are the kids of military members.Military kids might seem to have good lives but some don't.Military kids have it hard.Hinata Shouyou understands that.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 39





	Military Brats~ Kagehina

Life has never been easy for me. My dad has been in the air force since before I was born. Me and my sister were both born in different places. Being military we have to move every 2 years. Sometimes we go overseas, sometimes we are in the states, it just depends on where my dad’s boss tells him to go. We can request places but there is no guarantee we will move there. It makes it hard to make friends and long lasting relationships. My parents might say otherwise but I don’t think so. They tell me that we can make friends quickly and become close enough to stick together through all the moving. It’s not that easy. Most my childhood friends forgot about me. I don’t forget them but they forget me. I’m not that memorable anyway. Recently we moved to a new place. South Korea. It’s new. It’s not too bad. It’s just not home. 

I’ve never had a home. I don’t think I ever will. Home is a place that will accept and love you and keep you safe. I don’t think anywhere or anyone could treat me like that. Since we got here I made quite a few acquaintances. I wouldn’t call them friends or ask them to hang but I’d say hi if I saw them while shopping. I think I have one true friend. His name is Kageyama. He’s like me. He’s also military and it’s like we share one single brain cell. I feel like he knows me better than I know myself. He’s the only thing I have here. I don’t want to lose him.

Kageyama has told me things and I’ve told him a lot too. I was the first person Kageyama came out to. He came out as bi to me and I was never happier. He asked if I was bi too and I admitted that I didn’t know what I am. I like both guys, girls, or whatever you want to call yourself, I’m just not attracted to them sexually. One night when we were talking, he asked if I liked him. I laughed and said no. Of course, he believed me. I know he doesn’t like me so him not knowing how I feel is for the best anyways. He’s asked twice if I liked him and I told him no both times. He would smile and say that it’s the same for him. He said he would rather date Tsukki before me. He called me his brother. I didn’t know think it would hurt that much but it did. It hurt a lot. 

Recently I started practicing volleyball with some upperclassmen. Kageyama doesn’t play but he will watch every once and a while. It’s both boys and girls too. After one practice, Kageyama told me he found a girl there really cute. I agreed because she was cute but it hurt a bit to hear that. After a few more weeks of playing, a nice girl came to help me. She was so pretty and very nice but she was two years older. I told Kageyama about her and he completely supported me liking her. He even admitted she was cute. I didn’t want him to though. While I would want to hear it from my straight friends, I wanted him to get jealous of her. But he didn’t. A few weeks later, we snuck out late at night. We were practically high off sugar and were playing around in the football field at the school. That night I told Kageyama I would date a boy before a girl. He agreed with me too. I did like the girl from volleyball. Like a lot. Just not as much as I like Kageyama. So I told Kageyama that I like her a lot but I want to date a boy before her. Then he said something that made me die inside. He was serious too. He told me that I could date him for a week so I could date her. I know it was only because he wants me to date her. I know it. And it hurts that I know it. But I wanted him to want me. I declined the offer. I could never do that. It would hurt way to much. 

I’ve never been happy. No matter how many people surrounded me and said they loved me, I always felt alone. At one point I saved up almost $300 in cash to run away. Kageyama stopped me. He said I couldn’t leave unless he came with. So we joked around and pretended to plan it out. I was serious about it but I knew he wasn’t. He could never leave his family. He has a perfect family in my mind. People might look at mine and say it’s perfect but it’s not. I mean, there is nothing wrong with my family but they just don’t make me happy. They don’t feel like family. They aren’t home. 

Tonight is the night. No more cutting. No more sadness. No more emptiness. No more life. I am going to end it all. Even if Kageyama feels the same he won’t tell me and that won’t save me now. School starts again in a few weeks. If I go back, I won’t be able to take it. I can barely take it now and it’s summer. I’ve thought about this a lot. I’m not stupid. I know what I’m doing and Kageyama isn’t the only reason I’m doing it. I step onto the roof of my building and look down below. It’s dark and the lights don’t illuminate much. The park is empty and one swing moves in the wind. Lights start turning off in peoples apartments as it gets later and people need to sleep. I sit down for a bit to breathe and look at the stars. I count the stars in the sky and try to look for shapes. I can hear the voices in my head getting louder, telling me it’s time. I have to agree with them. I left three notes on my bed. One for Kageyama. One for my family. One for anyone that cares. I stand up and take a deep breathe. I move my foot off the ledge and hear a voice call out. I turn around to see Kageyama. “Hinata! Please don’t do this! Please! You promised! You said you’d wait til I did it!” I smile and laugh. “I love you.” I tell him. I step off the edge and my world goes black. 

Natsu

Do you know what it’s like to lose a sibling. The one you look up to. The one you love the most in the world. Unless yours died like mine you don’t. When I woke up, mommy was crying in the living room. Daddy was holding her and was crying too. They took me into the hug but didn’t tell me what was wrong. They didn’t have to. I saw Shouyou’s arms. I knew what he was doing. I just didn’t think he’d do this. “Where is Tobio Nii-Chan?” I ask and mommy starts crying more. Once again, I know. His weren’t as noticeable. He was good at hiding it. He loved Shouyou almost as much as I did. The reason he wasn’t dead before this was because of Shouyou. So if Shouyou is dead, so is Tobio. Tears fall from my face and I grab the letters left. I read the ones for me and Tobio. They are sad but the one that broke me was the last one. 

~For anyone that cares~

So if you are reading this, that means it happened. I hope my family reads this. They probably will. I also hope Tobio reads this. I would hope anyone else that considers themself my friend reads this. Actually if you care, please read this. This is for the people that care about someone like me. Someone who isn’t sure what they are doing in the world. People who aren’t sure why they are living. People who don’t want to be living. I am one of those people. I won’t tell you my life story. That would be too long. I’ll just say the things in my mind right now.   
Do you ever just wish things would be okay? That you wouldn’t feel this way? That you wouldn’t not want to exist? It’s hard to love yourself. It’s not something I can do overnight. It’s not even something I can do in a matter of months. I might have a perfect life but I’m not happy. Just because everything is perfect doesn’t mean I have to be happy. People with terrible lives can still be happy so why can’t I, with a perfect life, be sad. If people go through something bad, why don’t they become depressed? I didn’t have anything bad happen yet I feel this way. I feel like the world hates me. Like I am unlovable. I’m constantly tired. I don’t enjoy things anymore. All I think about is death, whether it’s mine or someone else's. Why can’t we all be happy. It’s not fair. I hate being empty. I hate being useless. I hate being me.   
That’s what is in my mind. Constantly. No matter how much I love Tobio or my family, those thoughts can’t save me. They can’t save people like me. This is just how I think. How I feel. 

~~

I smile down at the paper and tears fall. I can finally understand my big brother. He’s gone. Tobio’s gone. But I understand them. I just hope they are happier now. I hope they can be happy forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I based this off things in my life so I used air force because that's what I'm most familiar with. If you know people with thoughts like this do your best to help them. Don't force them to see someone though. Suicide doesn't have to be the way out of it. I hope you all have a great day and thanks for reading!


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